Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Resistance FRIDAY!

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: It’s Mueller Time (For Realz!) Edition

"As you probably know, the Mueller report is out. It’s 448 pages long. Say what you will about this president, he does have Americans reading again."

—Jimmy Kimmel

"So what's in the report? Mueller's team found lots of evidence that Russia ran a massive online campaign, including hacking emails, to undermine the 2016 election. Put it this way: Trump got into the White House about as legitimately as Lori Loughlin's daughter got into USC."

—James Corden

"The only other time I've seen a face like [Rod Rosenstein’s at the Barr presser] is when my toddler suddenly doesn’t have to use the potty anymore." ---James Corden

"My favorite thing in here is just a juicy morsel: that Don McGahn had to explain to Donald Trump what a lawyer does. Because when they were in meetings together, he was taking notes and Donald Trump was like, 'Why are you taking so many notes? I've had lots of lawyers before and they don’t take notes.' And [McGahn] was like, 'Well, I'm a real lawyer.'"

—Samantha Bee on The Late Show

"According to the report, when his then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions told the president that a special counsel had been appointed, the president slumped back in his chair and said, ‘Oh my god, this is terrible. This will be the end of my presidency. I am fucked.’ Oh. The one time we wanted you to be right, and ya weren't."

—Seth Meyers

"President Trump refused to be questioned in person by the special counsel, but he did submit some answers in a section titled, 'Responses of Donald J. Trump.' Now, I have reason to believe that these responses were not actually written by Donald Trump, because…uh…they're written."

—Stephen Colbert

And two years ago...

"Today at the White House Easter festivities, Melania Trump kicked things off by blowing a whistle. Then again, most women standing near Donald Trump end up having to blow a whistle."

---Conan O'Brien

Your complete and un-redacted west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

from Daily Kos http://bit.ly/2IHAEoB